One reason people often struggle with detachment is because the skill of detachment necessarily relies on the ability to accept your own thoughts and feelings. When you go through life in everyone’s business and taking on the problems of the world, it’s nearly impossible to look at what’s going on in your own head. It often appears easier to “fix” other people than to even face our own problems, let alone “fix” them.
Of course, we know we can not fix other people’s problems. We can offer our empathy, we can venture to offer advise if we dare, we can even physically assist someone in certain circumstances. But, we can never “fix” other people. We are not gods, nor do we have the power over other people that enables us to do for someone what they can’t or won’t do for themselves. So we must learn detachment.
But, when we detach from other people and stop trying to control or fix them, we are left with ourselves. We see our own flaws more clearly and come to realize that we need some control and fixing. It can be uncomfortable. Yet, it’s necessary for personal growth. How can we begin to heal and grow if we aren’t really looking at ourselves and seeing with a clear head who and what we are?
And more importantly, once we do see ourselves, can we accept what we find? To know and love ourselves is the real challenge. Learning to love ourselves in a realistic way depends on seeing our selves in a realistic way. Once we truly start to see ourselves, we can strive to focus on the good and accept what needs some fine tuning. In a way, this is a further detachment from even ourselves. We know who we are and we accept it. That’s a real focus and a real detachment that can foster drastic personal growth.
So, first detach from others and stop trying to control and change people, places, and things. Then, get to know yourself for who you really are. Lastly, accept and love yourself completely and without reservation. Know that you can’t truly love another until you’ve learned to love yourself.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
- Lucille Ball
Some years ago, when I still referred to men as boys and women as girls, a friend of a friend was involved in an horrific accident. Flung from his car, his spine was smashed against a raised drain, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. Following the accident, the tea makers and scone bakers came in droves all declaring, “How lucky he is. He’s alive. It’s a miracle.” Miracle? I didn’t think so.
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
If you take a close look at yourself and really think about it, you’ll probably realize that most of the anxiety and lack of peace in our lives comes one emotion – fear. And this fear comes from our ego. We want all the outcomes in life to be the way we think they should be. When they aren’t what we wanted or expected, we aren’t happy. Our will wasn’t done.
Success is a personal decision and relative to our own expectations (if we discount what other’s think – illegitimi carborundum). But our personal development toward success is based on some pretty simple concepts and how we think about ourselves. Once again our “habits” come into play in determining how truly successful we are. If you take the necessary steps on a daily basis, you’re natural outcome will be personal growth – or what I call “success”! The steps are basically choices and they are followed by actions. The two must go together or neither will work. Good choices followed by actions = success.
Recently, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. 
We say we trust God, but do we? Many of us have decided to turn our will and life over to the care of God, but let’s check ourselves and see if we are living up to the call. Most of us believe in a loving God, so it makes perfect sense that we should come to him for help and guidance. We call on God when we’re in trouble and hopefully we thank Him when we are not. But do we really trust God? Do we really believe that God cares so much about us that he is consistently guiding us and wanting the best for us?
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One day at a time is more than a song, more than a slogan, way more than a 70′s sit com. It’s a way of life and thinking that is essential to personal growth. Today I want to offer encouragement to all those who struggle with living one day at a time. I want to briefly explain what it means to live in the present, give some practical advise on practicing the habit of living in the moment, and some resources for continuing the practice of living one day at a time.
So, how do you develop a habit of happiness? Here’s some food for thought on happiness and how you can become a happier person with the right attitude and thought processes. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be perfect. Just give it a try.
